Just a heads up

I'm seeing my grandparents for dinner tonight and have already decided that I am going to lie to them all night long. I'm going to lie like I have never lied before.

There will have been auditions for popular situation comedies like Two and a Half Men.

There will be a tall Jewish boyfriend who is getting his masters at UCLA in Environmental Engineering. Funny story: we met through a mutual friend who thought we would NEVER get along. Turns out we both enjoy Tapas restaurants and Zap Mama.

I will FINALLY be getting paid for doing improv.

My newly found love of cooking (especially kugel and brisket) will be second only to my love for volunteering with hospice and visiting the old, sick and dying (especially the really fucked-up-from-cancer ones).

I figure lying will go down smoother for everyone involved. My grandfather will have a vodka martini and talk about Obama. My grandmother will have Kahlua and tell me about the lecture series called "Brother Against Mishpacha: Jews in the Civil War" she attended at the community center and how the new rabbi at the synagogue is working out just fine. I'll tell them I saw Spring Awakening at the Ahmanson and it was quite racy and inappropriate but the songs were pretty.

They'll go home feeling full and pleased with themselves, watch Are You Being Served on PBS and go to bed.

I'll go home, get stoned, watch The Shield on Netflix and fart on the cat.