Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Drop It Like It's Hoff

My friend recently told me she had a "very hot" sex dream with celebrity Orlando Bloom. Orlando Bloom is her favorite celebrity and she often has "very hot" sex dreams involving him.

Discussing this made me think about my "very hot" celebrity sex dreams. I've only had two that I can remember. Maybe the ones I can't remember involved sexy things like masquerade balls or moonlit beaches, but these do not:

(These are actual real dreams that I really actually had)


- David Hasselhoff and I are a married couple living in the suburbs. We have a couple of kids who play soccer and I am a stay at home mom. Unfortunately, the "fire" or "romance" has gone out of our marriage and I feel that it is my duty to bring it back so that we don't get divorced like so many of our fellow suburbanite couple friends have recently done. I decide to go to a lingerie store with my jolly friend Judy to try and spice up our time in the bedroom. I have never bought sexy lingerie (I think I'm a real prude) so I am very nervous but Judy convinces me this will be a very good thing. I suspect she has recently watched an episode of Oprah on this very topic. I buy the lingerie, go home, set the mood in the bedroom (this probably involved turning down the floral bed sheets and lighting the new Glade scented oil candle I just bought) and wait for the Hoff to return home. When he enters the bedroom, I awkwardly display my lingerie and we have awkward, quick, missonary sex. I don't think it was pleasant for anyone involved and my feeling at the end of the dream is that we will end up staying together for the sake of the children. Then I wake up.



-I am Snoop Dogg's girlfriend. We're in a truck outside of his pot dealers house in a very sketchy part of LA. Enough said. I woke up feeling gross.

2 comments:

Dusty Adams said...

my friend, Ann, routinely dreams about being ravaged by the devil. it is her favorite dream of all times.

I tend to dream of the apocalypse.

Chaka said...

You're starting to scare me.