Jesus Cat

This is my roommate's cat. Her name is Jesus. Because my roommate and I are best friends and enmeshed in each others lives to the point of pretty much being married without the sex part, we call her "our cat". I consider myself her cat Aunt. Or "Cant". Jesus is pretty fat and lazy (in a good way).

Here are three things I like to do with her:

1) Snuggle. Jesus is not the type of cat to say no to a snuggle session. The only times she does not want to snuggle are when she is very angry at you for poking her (see below), or not letting her go outside. Jesus is an indoor cat and there are many dangers that lie in the out of doors for indoor cats (i.e. fast cars, other cats and stupid hipster catnapping neighbors). I try to tell her that indoor activities like watching reruns of "Everybody Loves Raymond" and making delicious turkey sandwiches can also be fun, but she does not want to listen. She just wants to lie in the outside dirt and blink her eyes at the sun.

2) Poke. Sometimes, while she is lying comfortably in her soft cat bed, it's fun to poke Jesus in her fat paunchy stomach with various objects (pens, mail, your finger). If you do this for a long enough time, she will get very angry and bite/scratch/hiss at you. When she retaliates in this way, even though I was the one who provoked her, I get very angry and yell at her "You suck!". Then I poke her again for good measure and to let her know who's boss. A psychologist might say that we have a "dysfunctional relationship".

(Trying to snuggle after a poking session as a way of apologizing for all the poking will usually not work).

3) Dutch Oven. This involves sitting next to or on top of Jesus, putting a blanket over the both of us and farting. She never moves, which makes me think she likes the smell of fart.