At the do-it-yourself car wash near my house there are multiple signs that say "No washing out truck beds or pick-ups".

I think it would be more effective to say "No washing out dead bodies or other bad stuff. Not here, alright? Take it elsewhere".

We live in a sketchy neighborhood.

Poor Nicodemus*

The area near the copier at my work smells like dead rat. I noticed it this morning. It's probably in the walls. No one else seems to notice, so my plan is this:

Tell no one.
Hold my breath every time I pass the area near the copier.

My reasoning for this plan:
If I tell my boss that it smells like dead rat near the copier, she will freak out and want me to do something about it. (i.e. call someone, look behind the copier for the dead rat).
At all costs, I try to avoid doing anything at work because it is annoying and having to hunt down a dead rat would really throw me over the edge.

*Anyone read Secret of NIMH? Anyone? Anyone?

I'm Tingling

Let's Do This!

Hooray!

A Movie Review

I watched the screener of this movie all by myself while babysitting. At the end, through my tears, I very passionately and loudly cried out "TRUE LOVE EXISTS!"

Then I realized I was going to wake the kid up and consequently scare her with my impassioned weeping and I told myself to shut up.

In the tiny grey bathroom at the Creperie on 3rd street, there is a very modern looking chair placed across from the toilet so close that if someone was sitting on the toilet and another person was sitting on the modern looking chair, their knees would touch.

I thought there must be a reason for this strange placement, so as I sat down on the toilet, I had a conversation in my head with the person I imagined would be sitting in that chair.

I thought of an older man with a green sweater vest and round glasses. He told me about his dead wife and interest in historical fiction. I told him that sometimes I am too loud. He said that we are always moving forward even when gravity is being an asshole and I listened.

Neither one of us thought it strange that I was sitting on the toilet and he was sitting on the modern looking chair and our knees were touching.

Some Very Bad Ideas (To be updated frequently)

- When babysitting for a very nice British family, it is a very bad idea to be watching World's Most Notorious Serial Killers on The History Channel while falling asleep with your legs spread eagle on the coffee table as if you are at the gynecologist (even though this is the most comfortable television watching position to ever have been invented) when the parents arrive home. The nice British parents will look confused, you will quickly sit up wiping drool from the side of your mouth, clumsily change the channel to Dora the Explorer and receive less money than initially agreed upon.


- When performing student's scripts in the end result show for the Young Storytellers Foundation,

(Description from the website: YSF currently serves over 2,500 students in Los Angeles public schools where the concentration of poverty is high and the academic performances tend to be low. During a six-week session of one-on-one mentoring, fourth and fifth grade students write their own short screenplay. Then, YSF invites professional actors to perform the student’s scripts in the school auditorium in front of family, friends, and faculty).

it is a very bad idea to do your "Sassy African American character" for one of the roles when the audience is largely African American. No one will find this funny or charming.

- Thinking you can sing Bette Midler songs such as "The Rose" and "Wind Beneath My Wings" at karaoke when you really cannot. Loud does not equal good. (Side note: A good idea is to do an impression of Bette Midler and get very pretend emotional while singing said songs. People will really eat this up).

Me in 50 years. I can't wait.