- My brother dared me to eat a dog treat. (And by dared, I mean told me not to eat a dog treat):
Brother: "Hey Jen, check out these dog treats that mom bought. The only ingredient is 100% freeze dried cheese".
Me: "Weird. So why can't people eat them too?"
Brother: "I guess they can".
Me: "I'm going to eat one"
Brother: "Gross, don't eat one"
Me (crunching into freeze dried cheese dog treat that tastes less like cheese and more like if you made soap out of Styrofoam and then dipped it in Velveeta): "This is gross"
Then I gave about 25 to the dog. I like the sound of animals crunching on things. It's peaceful.
- Watched about 9 hours of Project Runway and Real Housewives of Atlanta while eating all the leftover desserts from the night before.
Conclusion: Watching 9 hours of TV and eating all the leftover desserts makes my stomach feel funny. Also, Michael Kors looks like a redneck cartoon character when you look at him upside down.
- I jokingly told my friends girlfriend that she was a witch. To be fair, she did fall asleep at the table with her eyes open. Regardless, she did not find me amusing.
- I attended a bridal shower. My mom's friend (drunk on Blood Orange Mimosas and a false sense of importance) stupidly asked me if there would be a wedding shower in my near future. I (drunk on Blood Orange Mimosas and pure boredom) breezily responded, "Oh, no thank you" and flipped my hair back. She did not find me amusing.
- Farting dogs.
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2 comments:
Luckily for you, and for me too, I find you terribly amusing.
"oh, no thank you" is the PERFECT response. It implies that she is offering something slightly distasteful and that you have a choice but politely refuse. I love this.
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